Bedroom Treason

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 22, 2004
Just a note to ask if there are other wives and guys who more than happy in their marriage and in their affair at the very same time? I am fulfilled at home, in the bed and emotionally, with two guys fulfilling my requirements.
{It would be great if I had discovered a guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, but it simply didn't happen. My partner is also married and feels the very same method. We will never ever leave our partners, and they are unaware why we don't hound them for physical intimacy any longer. They are both relieved of the pressure, and there disappear {battles or silences|silences or battles}.|It would be great if I had discovered a guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, but it simply didn't happen. We will never ever leave our partners, and they are unaware why we don't hound them for physical intimacy any longer.}
{Individuals remain married for lots of reasons, and not all issues can be exercised. The four people are friends, and I in some cases wonder if they would even object. Let's face it. There are those who simply do not like sex! I believed in no sex prior to marriage, and now I know why my person was alright with that! He is not gay, but simply says it's not what it's split up to be.|Individuals remain married for lots of reasons, and not all issues can be worked out. The four of us are friends, and I in some cases wonder if they would even object. He is not gay, but simply says it's not what it's split up to be.}
Chastity
Chastity, in one of P.G. Wodehouse's books, Bertie Wooster estimates something Jeeves told him. "There can be no love where there is not best trust."
{{When people learn more about a spouse's adultery, they feel their world has come crashing down.|They feel their world has come crashing down when people learn about a spouse's adultery.} We have never ever gotten a letter from someone who learnt their mate was chronically unfaithful, and they mored than happy about it. They feel tricked and lied to. There are therapy groups where people discuss D-day, the day they found out of their partner's adultery.|When people learn about a spouse's adultery, they feel their world has come crashing down. There are therapy groups where people talk about D-day, the day they found out of their partner's adultery.}
You are describing things to yourself in such a way which validates you and makes your partner the problem. {However go ahead and aim to prove your claim.|Go ahead and attempt to prove your claim.} Tell your spouse tonight, and motivate your "partner" to tell his better half.
Wayne & Tamara
No Higher Ground
{I have two friends I just recently found out were, or are, in a gay relationship. I say "were or are" due to the fact that one of them, Tom, is saying the relationship was a mistake and over prior to it started. The other one, Ray, says he left one element of their relationship, but is not willing to provide Tom up as a good friend. Tom says Ray is "a good friend I cannot get rid of."|The other one, Ray, says he strolled away from one element of their relationship, but is not willing to provide Tom up as a good friend. Tom says Ray is "a good friend I cannot get rid of."}
{I discovered the relationship by discovering Ray is incredibly possessive of Tom. {Ray becomes {jealous and angry|angry and jealous} when Tom is with his straight friends.|When Tom is with his straight friends, Ray becomes {jealous and angry|angry and jealous}.} To look at Tom with those straight friends you would never ever think in a million years he is gay. Tom has gone to severe steps to make sure his friends know absolutely nothing about Ray.|Ray becomes {jealous and angry|angry and jealous} when Tom is with his straight friends. Tom has gone to severe steps to make sure his friends know absolutely nothing about Ray.}
Ray keeps an image of Tom on his desk at work, and he is incredibly upset if Tom cannot fulfill him for lunch. Tom, on the other hand, worries at the idea of his family discovering Ray. I am not to point out Ray's name around Tom's friends or family, which makes me feel incredibly disloyal to Ray.
{Tom truly wants Ray out of his life, but Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship. I look after both of them, and neither of them will look for expert help. What can I do to help them? Or should I simply step far from the whole thing?|Tom truly wants Ray out of his life, but Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship. Or should I simply step away from the whole thing?}
Phyllis
Phyllis, nobody is on the higher moral ground here. Tom wants you to lie and conceal his life from people who care about him and think they know him. Ray is attempting to blackmail Tom into a relationship.
{Both are seeking, or sought, a relationship they are not entitled to. You want to champion a cause, but neither Tom nor Ray has a cause to champ. Perhaps their collision will cause some reality and reality into each of their lives. Stay out of it.|Both are seeking, or sought, a relationship they are not entitled to. You would like to champion a cause, but neither Tom nor Ray has a cause to champ.}
Wayne & Tamara

The other one, Ray, says he strolled away from one element of their relationship, but is not willing to provide Tom up as a good friend. Tom says Ray is "a good friend I cannot get rid of."
Ray keeps a photo of Tom on his desk at work, and he is incredibly upset if Tom cannot fulfill him for lunch. I am not to point out Ray's name around Tom's friends or family, which makes me feel incredibly disloyal to Ray.
Tom truly wants Ray out of his life, but Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship.
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